I Don't Understand.

In Tan Tock Seng Hospital now, maternal grandma has been in and out of the hospital recently. Trust me, she's one stubborn old lady. Not that I don't like her but I just had minimal communications with her since I was a baby. Partly due to her biasness towards my other cousins and mainly due to the dialect barrier. When my mum came home and tell me about how she was doing a few days back, it sounded so bad that i honestly thought she was gonna leave.  So, I decided to come visit her today. Yes, she looked bad but luckily not as bad as i thought she would be. Can you believe what the problem is? She is actually capable of eating bland food and is encouraged to eat but she simply refuses to do so. Now, she needs to be on glucose drip and stuff. I mean what is this for? Okay, based on this fact, I'll need to give you some background info but the story is simply too long for me to say to allow you to catch up. Basically, she's just been causing a hell lot of problems ever since the old maid left about a year ago? We honestly do not know what she wants but she has just been rejecting ALL the other maids that they've hired for her. In less than a year, it has been the 4th or 5th maid already? Even I lost count. When her daughters asked her what she wants, she remained quiet. I know I am not in the position to say anything but sometimes i really just wish those daughters of her will treat me as an adult and listen to the suggestions i have. Seriously, some of them are really kinda erm..brainless i would say. It is crude but it is true. They seemed to have lost control over her and let her do whatever she wants, my mum is not an exclusion. Wanna hear the most outrageous story ever? The doctor came over and told one of my aunt that my grandma probably nidda go into icu and was recommended to go but my aunt can actually REFUSE to let her admit into icu coz she thinks that there will be a lot of tubes and stuff plucked into her. FOR GOODNESS SAKE, IF THE DOCTOR SAYS SHE NEEDS IT SHE OBVIOUSLY NEEDS IT MAN! USE YOUR PUNY BRAIN AND THINK PLEASE! To think you're even a diploma graduate. Who in the world rejects the doctor's request to put your own mother into the icu?! Okay except those in the dramas where their children want their own parents to die so that they can get the inheritance. Obviously, this isn't the case here! I know they all love my grandma but its just the way they're handing it! It is too ridiculous. 

Okay, so I tried communicating with her just now IN HOKKIEN. Can you see the amount of effort I'm trying to put here?! I am a person who sucks in hokkien but i was trying to engage myself in a conversation with her. I was trying to tell her to eat more food coz its important and i told her to smile more coz it will naturally make her happier. At least that's what I usually do. Can you believe what she said?! She said she don't wanna talk to me anymore. *stunned* MY PATERNAL GRANDMOTHER WOULD NEVER EVER DO THAT TO ME. I seriously do not know what you want. My dad was so pissed that he asked me to go out of the ward with him and we just sat downstairs until they wanted to leave. I really wanted to just communicate with you and try my best to make you feel better about whatever shit you are going through. But now, it seems like you are giving your own granddaughter shit too. So, I give up. At least I know I tried my best. Life's just like that I guess, not everything will always go in the way you want it to be. I really tried.

After all these rubbish, I really thank god for my paternal grandparents. Even though I always say  how much my grandfather dislikes me and how bias he is, I finally realised how much I actually love them. A bit of background info, my paternal grandparents have been living with me since i was seven-ish? Both my parents are working (not that they do not care for my brother and I, we still do have a lovely parent-children relationship up till today), so my grandparents are like the ones looking after us since forever. Especially my paternal grandma, I've always been sticking to her as a child and we do things together! We go to the market together, sometimes even go shopping together in the past! I even realised recently that I think I got my optimistic and happy-go-lucky character from her! She's really not those traditional mother in the past who restricts their children like nobody's business. She always tell me, 'when they want to talk, they will talk'. Well, she's definitely not educated but the really amazing thing about her is that she was illiterate until her 20s i guess? But through reading of the newspapers and watching tv, she is now literate. Can you believe how amazing this is?! Another interesting fact (not trying to be damn sarcastic here), my paternal grandma is of the same age as my maternal grandma but i do not understand why the drastic difference. How can one just be so optimistic and accept everything that's coming to her in a damn positive way but the other being just so stubborn so depressed and not happy with like almost EVERYTHING. 

Trust me, I've been trying to suspend my judgment on my maternal grandma despite all the shit she's given to my mum, her other children and even my dad. Now, I just can't help but to look at her in a different light already. I am really sorry for the way I feel though...

Looking at your photos thinking that you could have been mine like so many years back..

I am sad :(

OHMYGOSH. 

It's essays after essays after essays and still ESSAYS!!!!!

I'm outta brain juice!!! :(

'If you're passionate, you won't take no for an answer for anything'                                                                                                                - Whale Wars