It has been a while.

So I've been neglecting this blog for like almost the entire semester I guess? It isn't exactly because I'm too busy and also not because I have nothing to say. Lazy is probably the best explanation. :P Life has been pretty awesome for me. Loving uni life like crazy! I'm really really glad/lucky to be in University at Buffalo (SIM)! I love the American system, I love the instructors (they do not believe in lecturers/professors) and of course I love all the friends I've made! As much as everyone is judging the American system as a lousy one and unsuitable for Singaporeans because it is too slack, I beg to differ. Remember TLLM in secondary school? Teach Less Learn More. It is precisely what we are doing in SIM-UB. I'm not saying that the local uni isn't good because come on, who wouldn't want to have a NUS/NTU/SMU degree if they have the ability to right? I'm just trying to say that if I was exposed to the American education system earlier and IF I had the grades to enter local universities, I would have considered my choices with an insane amount of stress. Reason? Because after all these years of hardcore studying (especially in JC), I've learnt a lot about myself in terms of academics. Lazy may be a way to describe myself but I figured I'm not a person who can work well with exams, exams and more exams. In particular, those with high percentages like 70-80% of the entire grade! Doesn't that sound insane? In SIM-UB, our finals are generally around 20-30% because they do not believe in grading a student just based on a single examination. Which I totally agree with! Of course, instructors are allowed to create their own syllabus in my school i.e. choose their own number of exams, assignments and their respective weightage. And I do have some instances where my final examination is around 40% but it is seldom the case because most of my instructors are more interested in the process of learning. Sociology, this is another decision that I would never ever regret in my life. Although I gotta admit, I am pretty worried about my future - if I can actually find a job, not to mention a high-paying one. With all the modules that I've had in the past four semesters, it just further enhances my belief that I made the right choice! Social Change, Mass Cultural Studies, Social Diversity, Medical Sociology, Individual & Society Studies, World Civilizations AND Criminology next semester! How awesome are these mods! I'm actually kinda sick of explaining to people who have no idea as to what Sociology is about. It is basically the study of our society. Yes, it may sound stupid to some of you because what we learn may seem like common sense to you and engineers (like my brother) just find it meaningless to get a degree on something that we already know about. You are wrong. Just like any other liberal arts degree, we are studying about things that we already know but obviously not in the layman terms. Furthermore, in sociology, we learn why our society is behaving in such a manner. We reflect about life so to speak. We study patterns and try to fit pieces into a puzzle. We try to find a reason to justify why human beings behave in a certain way when we are not supposed to (okay I'm not going to go further because I'm just gonna blabber on about all the stuff I've learnt). Sociology is an extremely meaningful degree to me. I'm gonna maximize my learning for the upcoming two years and cultivate my mind! Hopefully my dream to make a difference in this world is still going to come true.

My mind is maturing, ain't it? Haha! :)

Something's wrong

People have too much hatred for everything and anything in this world.

BUT...

This is our world and we are the creators (?)

It is all in our mind.

Sudden enlightenment

Okay, so I haven't been updating in a while but this is just gonna be a short one.

I think I sorta figured out why my character isn't as girly and how I am more guy-ish than girls in general. The root cause? My family. Okay, maybe just my dad. You see, I have a brother who is three years older. Somehow, he seem to have all the necessary freedom to make decisions on his own and my dad rarely has a differing opinion. I think what I've been trying to do as a child, is to make myself more like a guy. To prove that I can take care of myself and convince them to let me make my own decisions and not be rejected by my dad for umpteen times. Whatever nonsense that it is not safe and you are a girl, they can be true but only to a certain extent (at least I believe so). I am still trying to figure out a perfect way to break out of this. Anybody knows how? I certainly do not want myself to make my decisions based on my dad's decision forever. I wanna start living my own life already. Sometimes I wonder, why do I still have to listen to my dad for the final say? Why must he always be the last barrier that I have to cross? Why can't I take charge of my own life? I feel like I can actually break out of this because all that's left now is just respect and love for my dad. Rebellion is all that it takes.This is a recurring feeling that I've been getting this year. Maybe it's a sign...

Self-analyzing in a whole new level. Haha

Sociology

Just a short one.

I'm beginning to feel that choosing sociology as my major even in a private university was really one of the best choices I've ever made for myself. With more soci modules this sem, I'm learning more about sociology as a whole and I gotta say, I'm loving it!! I am pretty sure by the end of my 3 years in uni, my mind will be so enriched that I'll be able to communicate with people in an intellectual level on a frequent basis. I am gonna make it part of me! :)

Random thought while studying for my tests tmr. Why in a relationship must the female partner on a regular basis (always is too big an assumption) be the diminished one and needs to be taken care by the male partner? Why is it constructed this way? Issues about masculinity and femininity perhaps? Food for thought I guess...

VAN :)

Beautiful Escape

somehow this is not the way i planned it
i didn't think i'd need someone right now, then there was you

-AJ Rafael

Obsessive Dad

Well, recently my dad has been getting on my nerves (?) Not sure if that's the right word to use but I'm just getting a little uncomfortable about his obsessiveness over me. Firstly, I am 19 turning 20 this year. Come on, anybody at this age in any other countries are probably out partying all night and getting insane hangovers the next day. Maybe not even in other countries, at least a quarter of my fellow Singaporeans are having sucha life now. Not that this is the life I want but I just want a little bit more freedom. I used to tell my dad who I'm going out with and where will we be going because I felt comfortable doing so and see no problem with that. Recently, when I only mentioned I'll be going out with my friends to my dad, he'll DEFINITELY ask me where am I going. I purposefully tried not to tell him on some occasions but he will just message me at some time and ask me rudely. For example, 'location now' and 'location update'. I'm like living in a military camp right? Argh. It is not that I have anything to hide but I guess I'm reaching a point where I feel that certain amount of privacy has to be given to me. Trust me, my dad is capable of going to the same place as me despite knowing that I'll be there. Why do such things? For God's sake, I do not know. I don't understand what trust issues he has with me when I'm not even the rebellious kinda kid. I know my limits and I'm pretty sure I'm strong enough to protect myself. Yes I know, people can just kill me and rape me without me knowing but come on, at least I know how to reduce the chances right? I'm gonna have THE talk with my dad asap. Wish me luck. Till then!

I never knew those things that I had were memories until we started talking about it again...
Love and miss those times!

Just another rant.

I just can't stand it when guys are being irresponsible and careless about important issues. I dont understand why you guys cannot see the urgency to settle things and be answerable to others. I've always expected guys to be like my father, to always take on the responsibility for serious business and give us the schedule asap. Well, I guess this is the difference between a man and a boy? Haven't seen a guy as responsible as my father as of now. In fact, I even think some of my girlfriends are even more responsible and can see the need to settle urgent things. 

A Few Moments in Life.

Well, it has been kinda long since I've updated. Had the craziest week ever in my life last week. My grandmother was hospitalized, grandfather had a minor op & I had my com101 2nd exam which was rather important for me if I want to keep my grades at B+/A-. I'm too lazy to elaborate on what exactly happened to my grandmother but no worries, thank god she's fine now! :) I just can never forget what happened on Monday midnight, was the 2nd scariest night in my life thus far. I hope nothing like this will ever happen again. What I learnt from this week? I really really really love my grandmother. And also, I give my utmost respect to any souls who are out there struggling to juggle between a sickly family member, work and any other thing that's going on in their life. It ain't easy, imo. My grandfather? I've come to realize that he was kinda biased against my father as compared to all his other three children. Maybe because they're all graduates but my father's not? But so what? They are all earning about the same money now right? So what's the difference? I really don't know. And I swear he dislikes me the most but I ain't got anything to resolve this. I'm just gonna deal with it and give my grandmother everything I can. If you can't accept the fact, just deal with it man. I don't hate my grandfather but sometimes I really can't stand his favoritism. To a certain point, it's an eyesore. But yeah..I still love the both of them lah :)

Important people in my life

Studies? This sem isn't going very well. I had to resign one module which meant that I had to waste $1.5k of my parents' money. I really need to learn how to keep the guilt in me for a longer period of time because although at that moment I'm telling myself that I have to buck up and not disappoint my parents because they are already spending so much money on me, after a while, the sense of guilt seems to just disappear into thin air. I swear I'm gonna work hard next semester and get good grades again! Being a little ambitious here but I'm hoping that I'll get an average of A- next sem :P When you believe, you will achieve! 

Note to self: Remember that you are in a private university and you are spending a hell lot of your parents' money. You better do good and make them proud at the end of the day. 

When I had to resign this ugc module, I honestly had that damn sore feeling. I added this module together with my twin at the beginning of the sem and the others in our clique were like doubting our capability and question us if it is too much to handle. Yes, ugc is a damn interesting module but I just can't study and score well for it. My twin can! So, laugh all you want and even if i have to retake this module together with you guys, I'm gonna own you in your face. See? This is the mini competitive problem that I'm currently facing with one or two ppl from my uni clique. I HATE COMPETITIONS. I really really hate it. Since like forever, when people compete with me, it just turns me off. I think at some point of time I'm actually willing to lose so that I'll get outta this competitive environment. It is an extremely disadvantageous environment for me.  Sore Loser? Kiasu? Scared to die? Say all you want but i honestly believe in competing with just me, myself and I. Deal with it. 

So, life is getting kinda mundane recently. I'm not gonna complain about having to take care of my grandparents because it is my duty and I like doing it. But sometimes, it just gets a little overwhelming when it is as though I'm the only one doing everything. I love spending time with my grandmother and I feel insecure leaving her alone at home or even when she's sleeping at night because I'm afraid she'll fall. You can say that I'm thinking too much but all these worries attribute to a certain amount of stress in me. Uni life? Rarely have lessons where the entire clique can get together so it gets a little awkward when we're all together coz there's like nothing to say? I expected uni to be a tad bit more exciting. Sometimes I really wanna go and join some ccas on my own so that I can make new friends. To be honest, I don't wanna be stuck with this same clique and just only them for the rest of my uni years. Its just boring. Maybe I should just go ahead and do it huh? haha!

I'M GOING TO MELBOURNE NEXT WED!! Excited much! Coz I'm finally getting away from this insanely hot weather in Singapore and having a mini escapade from reality! :) Although it is only for 4-5 days, it is better than nothing right? hahaha! Am so gonna spend quality with my mum and dad there! (Went for a hair cut yesterday and my bangs is screwed again...dont ever cut your hair before leaving for a holiday man!) My brother's busy with his uni life/studying/friends etc, hardly see him at home these days. Kinda hope he has a girlfriend though :P hahaha! He's already turning 23 for goodness sake! Okay, not like I'll definitely find one by 23 but I still think he should have one soon! :) 

I just cannot emphasize enough on how much I wanna leave this country and live a whole new life in a new country! Sometimes, I wish I wasn't even born in this country, it is just too boring! Maybe I should really consider working at Kruger National Park huh? Have been looking at a lot of wild safari and activists websites recently, I was trying to look for the 'career opportunities' section in particular! hahaha! Nat geo seems kinda hard coz they seem to prefer communications degree holders instead. Ohwells, we'll see how yeah? hahaha! Hope I can get a really fun job in the future! :)

I really love this picture! Haha!

Grandma.

I just can't imagine losing you.
Please please please don't ever leave me. :'(

Did I mention how much I dislike studying?
Really think it ain't my cup of tea.

Beasts of the Southern Wild

"Everybody loses the thing that made them

This is supposed to be the nature

The brave may stay and watch it happen

They don’t run"

-Hushpuppy

Just wanna get on a plane and fly to neverland...

Note to Self.

Stop being such a bitch (secretly).

Its been a while.

So I haven't been updating for quite some time..

Have been meeting my primary school friends quite frequently these few months and I must say they're really friends that are hard to come by. Really appreciate my friendship with them. Definitely bros that will stand by me no matter what happens! :) 

Talking about bros, I honestly think it is because I haven't exactly been in a relationship before that's why i cannot really see things from the girls' viewpoint. So trust me, i don't think i'm as logical and as rational as you guys think i am.  But, there are really certain things that i cannot believe a girlfriend will do to their partner. Horribly insane. 

Had a chat about searching for truth with Ryan yesterday. It was DAMN philosophical man. I felt like i was back into PHI101 class last sem on absolute truth by Immanuel Kant. Have you ever wondered why are we doing all these things that we are doing despite some part of your mind telling you that all these things are wrong? Like we shouldn't be doing such meaningless stuff in life and the life that many of us are leading is just wrong? It was this conversation I had with my friend for 10 years or so that I realized we've all really grown up. I really felt like I knew what he was driving at but I just needed more time to absorb and really accept the so called truth. I know that having a stable job, earning more than sufficient money and living in some atas house is a goal that I or at least everybody want me to achieve. Although I do not say otherwise, I really know that this is not just what I want. I've been saying this for years, i want to make a difference in our world. Up till now, I still do not know how. If i can ever achieve that, I know that I've lived my life worthwhile. While people are saying 'money is not everything'. Yes it isn't everything, but without it what can you do? Without money, will I be able to make a difference in the world? Or should I say a significant difference? I know the amount of life experience that I've gone through is nothing and my level of maturity is not up there yet. If i ever reach that stage, will anyone still see me as the person I am today? I doubt so. Of course, i love the carefree and happy life that i'm leading for now but i also know that someday this will no longer be in me. As we all grow older, carefree is not something that can be found easily. Do you call it responsibility or burden? Yes it's filial piety to take care of your parents aunts and grandparents but what happens if you drop down everything and just go venture out in the world trying to find an answer? Weigh the importance. I've yet to reach a balance. 

Enough of all those chim stuff, I don't even know what I'm trying to say. Wait. Just wait for me to have more discussions with my primary school friends and see if we can get to an answer. hahaha i know, cool stuff right? :)

Death. The scariest thing that any being can face. If what my childhood friend said was true, before chinese new year the gates of the ghosts will open and that is usually when more people especially the elder ones will leave us. True enough, there had been quite a number of deaths happening to my father's friends' parents, friends' grandparents etc. Some are expected due to old age, some simply unexpected. How can anyone deal with deaths of their loved ones if it happens within such a short period of time? Who can get over it and move on? If i were them, i definitely can't. I can't help thinking about what will happen if my grandmother or even grandfather leave me. So much so for saying how much my grandfather dislikes me, he was still a big part of my life. I don't even need to mention my grandmother. She's probably the one and only person that i love sooo much thus far. Sometimes my mum even gets jealous of her. Hahaha! So, my grandmother is turning 79 this year and my grandfather 82. It's really a blessing for them to be able to stay so healthy at this age but of course old age still creeps on them. They are starting to walk slower, slightly hard at hearing for my grandmother but they are still considered extremely healthy in this age as compared to other elderly. Basically, I just don't want them to leave me. Forever. 

I'm gonna turn 20 this year and it's damn freaky. I'm not done with my teenage years yet. Give me back my teens! I wanna go back to my secondary school and college years where i'm truly leading a carefree life! 

The irony of life I guess. While you really wanna go into the future and see what is waiting for you there, you just don't wanna let go of some really beautiful moments in your past. 

VAN.

The moment when you're so excited and hyped up about cny, your crazy andropause father just decided to throw his temper in the supermart. WHAT IS YOUR FREAKING PROBLEM?! *damn rage*

True that.

If you need more time to be by yourself, then that might need to wait a while. Right now, the priority is turning away from solace and toward socializing more with the people you care about.


Can't wait for my freaking not-so-stressful-yet-mind-boggling-exams to be over!!

Mean girls.

You're not nice. 
I don't like you.
I won't talk to you.

End of Story.

My true feelings.

Hi Azeezah! Hahaha I'm guessing you're the only one I know that's still reading my blog! This is probably why I love you as my long time friend!!! :) 

Okay I just seriously need a platform to do some writing (though I know I'm not so good at it). So these are the things that I'm currently going through. Nothing much but just a little mundane life.

First and foremost, I'm starting to not like my job at the zoo. New group of people has been hired ever since my school started. They're a bunch of 17-18 year olds. They're really nice people but guess i just dont see them so often to get to know them better. Not trying to make myself sound old but yeah there's this age gap thing going on. Furthermore, I'm not working as often so obviously I didn't get the chance to mingle with them. So I'm kinda feeling a little out now though there's still my favourite Gaaya and Kavitha there! I kinda wanna quit alrdy coz kinda see no point anymore :/ but still being able to work in the zoo is really a once in a lifetime opportunity. Although I'm not like any zoo keeper or related to the animals in my job scope, it is still a very pleasant environment to work in. People are all nice and friendly and seriously, there's just this wow factor whenever you tell people you're working in the zoo. And yes, I'm still contemplating. :)

Next, not gonna name names. I seriously hate it when friends just cast you aside when they are in a relationship. So what if you say you don't wanna create misunderstandings and stuff. All rubbish please. Yes, you should be totally committed to your girlfriend but come on, not taking to a friend that you've been talking to almost everyday? True friends indeed huh. I have guy friends who've been friends with me since like forever still having the occasional htht although they have girlfriends alrdy please. Just shut up and go away then. So be it.

Lastly, relationships. Trust me, I'm lying if I say I totally do not want a boyfriend. It is true that I'm enjoying life with all the friends I have now and even if no random guy comes into my life I'm  really fine with it. It's just that sometimes you just wanna have that experience you know. Get what I mean? Hahaha really hard to explain but yeah...Gonna sound like a bad girl now but I don't mind just having a fling. Ohmygosh, I sound like a b**** here but that's really what I feel. Think I'm a person that's afraid of commitment? And I think I really do have life goals that I wanna achieve. They're not just a dream! So it might be really hard to be committed to a person while trying to achieve all of my crazy dreams. Yeap so this is how I feel about relationships at least for now.

Okay that's roughly the few emotions that I'm going through now. Azeezah, pretty wow huh? Hahaha! :P 

Just a little something about me~

MOMENTS TO BE REMEMBERED.

SO...

One fine day, BFF and I decided to attend this 'chinese global music awards' event held at the indoor stadium. Reason being, her friend sold her a pair of tickets at $30 each when the original price was at $98 and her idol JJ Lin is gonna be there so why not right? And I went with her, not hoping for much because honestly speaking, we don't even know what this event is about. Hahaha! 

OKAY, I cannot keep the suspense any longer so I'm getting straight to the point!

There was quite a lot of singers present! Eason Chan, Fiona Sit, Twins, JJ LIN, Da Mouth (HuaiQiu in particular), Tanya Chua, Yang Zhong Wei, Dong Shan Shao Ye (guy from guangdong that we didnt know existed till today but we decided to listen to his songs because he's pretty handsome and of course has a great voice!) and a lot more singers but i cannot remember for now. I shall skip all the awesome songs that these singers sang and go to the part where JJ Lin's about to perform. Okay, we were sitting at a pretty good view where the sorta backstage can be seen. This is a lil hard to explain but I'll try. 



Okay this is our view!! And to the far left of the picture, we can actually see all the way to their backstage where they are gonna prepare to enter the front stage! SO, before JJ Lin was about to go out to perform, he was standing there to get ready! AND!! We just so happened to look at him!! AND HE LOOKED AT US!! HE FIRST DID A 'TWIST' SIGN AT US AND WE WENT HIGH!! DECIDED TO WAVE TO HIM!! BEST THING ON EARTH HAPPENED!!! HE WAVED BACK TO US!!! PLEASE NOTE: HE ONLY WAVED TO US OKAY, NOBODY ELSE COS WE WERE BASICALLY THE ONLY ONES LOOKING AT HIM AT THAT MOMENT!! BACKSTAGE MOMENT OKAY!! HAHAHAHAH!! 

Okay, so that's one highlight of the entire event! The next one!! At the end of the show, I had the craziest idea! Told bff that we should walk down towards the barrier when they are exiting. Honestly, at that moment i don't know what to expect, maybe just a close up photo or something? THEN, BEST THING ON EARTH HAPPENED 2!!!! When we were standing there, Huai Qiu and JJ Lin were walking towards the exit!! Crazy Kai Mi simply shouted HUAI QIU damn loudly on her own!! And he didn't hear!!!! Somehow, she managed to walk towards the edge of the exit area where people were shaking hands with Tanya and she took out her hands!! EPIC MOMENT. She sorta rejected Tanya's hand while trying to reach Huai Qiu's!! hahaha! Imagine how Tanya felt!! LOLOL!! Nevermind, that's not my point! My point was...................SHE SHOOK HUAIQIU'S HAND!! MEANWHILE I WAS WALKING TOWARDS HER TOO AND HUAIQIU ACTUALLY WAITED FOR LIKE A MOMENT TO REACH OUT AND SHAKE HANDS WITH ME TOO!!! NICE GUY TTM RIGHT!! :D AND THEN OBVIOUSLY, WE ALSO SHOOK HANDS WITH JJ LIN SINCE THEY WERE BROS AND STANDING NEXT TO EACH OTHER!! JJ LIN EVEN SAID HI, THANK YOU!! 
PLEASE NOTE AGAIN: BOTH HUAIQIU AND JJ LIN ONLY SHOOK HANDS WITH THE BOTH OF US BECAUSE WE WERE SO CLOSE TO THE EXIT THAT NOBODY ELSE HAD THE CHANCE TO DO THAT EXCEPT US!! OMGGGG PERSONAL MOMENT AGAIN!!! 

HAHAHAHA! OKAY SO THIS WAS MY FIRST EXPERIENCE SHAKING HANDS WITH CELEBS AND IT WAS REALLY COOL!! HAHAHA I MUST REMEMBER THIS MOMENT FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER!!!! 

crazy things you do with your bff~

Escapade.

You won't believe how much I wanna leave this country and migrate to a new place with lesser stress, bigger apartment and a less congested country. If only I proved myself to be more independent in the past, I would have been in California pursuing my university education now. Probably living a tougher life, but definitely a cooler life imo. 

I am really satisfied with just this. Someone, buy me an air ticket to Los Angeles and I will fly there now! I don't care if I'm gonna start off as a waitress or even as a dish washer. I'm just sick and tired of Singapore!

Trust me, women also have ego and you do not want to try to hurt theirs...

I Don't Understand.

In Tan Tock Seng Hospital now, maternal grandma has been in and out of the hospital recently. Trust me, she's one stubborn old lady. Not that I don't like her but I just had minimal communications with her since I was a baby. Partly due to her biasness towards my other cousins and mainly due to the dialect barrier. When my mum came home and tell me about how she was doing a few days back, it sounded so bad that i honestly thought she was gonna leave.  So, I decided to come visit her today. Yes, she looked bad but luckily not as bad as i thought she would be. Can you believe what the problem is? She is actually capable of eating bland food and is encouraged to eat but she simply refuses to do so. Now, she needs to be on glucose drip and stuff. I mean what is this for? Okay, based on this fact, I'll need to give you some background info but the story is simply too long for me to say to allow you to catch up. Basically, she's just been causing a hell lot of problems ever since the old maid left about a year ago? We honestly do not know what she wants but she has just been rejecting ALL the other maids that they've hired for her. In less than a year, it has been the 4th or 5th maid already? Even I lost count. When her daughters asked her what she wants, she remained quiet. I know I am not in the position to say anything but sometimes i really just wish those daughters of her will treat me as an adult and listen to the suggestions i have. Seriously, some of them are really kinda erm..brainless i would say. It is crude but it is true. They seemed to have lost control over her and let her do whatever she wants, my mum is not an exclusion. Wanna hear the most outrageous story ever? The doctor came over and told one of my aunt that my grandma probably nidda go into icu and was recommended to go but my aunt can actually REFUSE to let her admit into icu coz she thinks that there will be a lot of tubes and stuff plucked into her. FOR GOODNESS SAKE, IF THE DOCTOR SAYS SHE NEEDS IT SHE OBVIOUSLY NEEDS IT MAN! USE YOUR PUNY BRAIN AND THINK PLEASE! To think you're even a diploma graduate. Who in the world rejects the doctor's request to put your own mother into the icu?! Okay except those in the dramas where their children want their own parents to die so that they can get the inheritance. Obviously, this isn't the case here! I know they all love my grandma but its just the way they're handing it! It is too ridiculous. 

Okay, so I tried communicating with her just now IN HOKKIEN. Can you see the amount of effort I'm trying to put here?! I am a person who sucks in hokkien but i was trying to engage myself in a conversation with her. I was trying to tell her to eat more food coz its important and i told her to smile more coz it will naturally make her happier. At least that's what I usually do. Can you believe what she said?! She said she don't wanna talk to me anymore. *stunned* MY PATERNAL GRANDMOTHER WOULD NEVER EVER DO THAT TO ME. I seriously do not know what you want. My dad was so pissed that he asked me to go out of the ward with him and we just sat downstairs until they wanted to leave. I really wanted to just communicate with you and try my best to make you feel better about whatever shit you are going through. But now, it seems like you are giving your own granddaughter shit too. So, I give up. At least I know I tried my best. Life's just like that I guess, not everything will always go in the way you want it to be. I really tried.

After all these rubbish, I really thank god for my paternal grandparents. Even though I always say  how much my grandfather dislikes me and how bias he is, I finally realised how much I actually love them. A bit of background info, my paternal grandparents have been living with me since i was seven-ish? Both my parents are working (not that they do not care for my brother and I, we still do have a lovely parent-children relationship up till today), so my grandparents are like the ones looking after us since forever. Especially my paternal grandma, I've always been sticking to her as a child and we do things together! We go to the market together, sometimes even go shopping together in the past! I even realised recently that I think I got my optimistic and happy-go-lucky character from her! She's really not those traditional mother in the past who restricts their children like nobody's business. She always tell me, 'when they want to talk, they will talk'. Well, she's definitely not educated but the really amazing thing about her is that she was illiterate until her 20s i guess? But through reading of the newspapers and watching tv, she is now literate. Can you believe how amazing this is?! Another interesting fact (not trying to be damn sarcastic here), my paternal grandma is of the same age as my maternal grandma but i do not understand why the drastic difference. How can one just be so optimistic and accept everything that's coming to her in a damn positive way but the other being just so stubborn so depressed and not happy with like almost EVERYTHING. 

Trust me, I've been trying to suspend my judgment on my maternal grandma despite all the shit she's given to my mum, her other children and even my dad. Now, I just can't help but to look at her in a different light already. I am really sorry for the way I feel though...

Looking at your photos thinking that you could have been mine like so many years back..

I am sad :(

OHMYGOSH. 

It's essays after essays after essays and still ESSAYS!!!!!

I'm outta brain juice!!! :(

'If you're passionate, you won't take no for an answer for anything'                                                                                                                - Whale Wars

First few days at school.

One conclusion: There's seriously some connection between me and Indians  (Singaporeans) 

 I dont know why too..

Awwww.

The moment.

When someone told me that I'm the only reason that changes dreading to come to work into looking forward to come to work...

It makes my day! :)

NIGHTMARES, not cool.

2005,

Malaysia Train Station---Mum brought me here all the way from Singapore convincing me that we're going on a short holiday, just the two of us. When we reached, my mum held my hand all the way to the entrance of the train station and left me there. Obviously, I cried after waiting for quite some time and my mum never came back. The fear in me was indescribable. So much so that I cried for the rest of the time even till I'm awake. I'll never forget this dream.

2012,

Terrorists---Yes I know this is weird but it really happened. *Must have got something to do with the London Olympics Singapore Women's Table Tennis Semi-finals that i watched in the morning* I was sitting among the spectators watching the live semi-finals match between Singapore and Japan with my family when a loud siren rang. An announcement to postpone the match and get everyone out of the excel arena immediately was made. Everybody was pretty nonchalant initially, there was even a security check while people were flushing out. Suddenly, a corner of the arena collapsed due to a bomb blast. Then, the whole place was chaotic, everyone started escaping in every directions possible. My brother, mum, dad and myself also ran together but my mum being the least sporty one among us starting lagging behind. My dad carried her and we just ran and ran and ran. The next thing I know, we were all back into the 1960s with my grandparents living in the shop houses kinda style. My grandparents and parents living in one, my brother and I in one. *Don't ask me why this combination 'cos I don't know why either* Suddenly, a entire army of fighter planes flew just a few metres above our head and dropped those atomic bomb-like thingy on us. Just like how we always see those black and white films during WWll. Somehow, we were all standing at the rooftop so my grandfather yelled for me and my brother. My brother simply jumped from our roof to their roof to be with my grandparents and parents. I followed suit. The six of us all hugged together and died under the bomb attacks. This dream was so insane that it made me wake up with a slight shiver. God knows why I had sucha dream.




I seriously do not know what made me have these kinda dreams but it just happened. Some say it happens for a reason. Some simply say it was just a dream. For now, I still cannot find a reason why but maybe I'll get to know in the future. But these things are definitely freakish. 

STRESS STRESS STRESS!

You say it isn't a problem but on the other hand you're saying we have to cut down on this and that. So what exactly is the conclusion??

I can sense that you guys do not really want me to study what I'm really interested in but I just need a definite answer if it is within your limits in allowing me to study this!

I have to make a BIGGG decision within this few days and I am in a serious dilemma!!

SOMEONE.HELP.ME.

Family

I have a lot to say but just really lazy to type it out...

Just came back from a Bali trip with the entire family (dad's side) and it was kinda less fun as compared to last year's Koh Samui. Reason? I guess it's because I've matured and I'm starting to see true colours of certain people now...

Isn't it REALLY mean for someone to insist on forcing his/her beliefs onto other people? Although the way you want to do it might be the best way out for the person that you love, it does not mean that the person likes it that way! She has a own set of thinking and it isn't up to you to decide for her okay! Plus, I don't think you understand her as much as we do these days , so just back off. 

FAMILY. Why can't things just be a little simpler? You people just have to give in a little more and accept each other's slight differences. Yes it might get real annoying at times but we just have to accept that we are a family as a whole and not segregate into 'cliques' in a FAMILY. Imagine that, cliques in a family, how stupid can that get. 

I really miss those times when we were really one Big Happy Family.