Have been meeting my primary school friends quite frequently these few months and I must say they're really friends that are hard to come by. Really appreciate my friendship with them. Definitely bros that will stand by me no matter what happens! :)
Talking about bros, I honestly think it is because I haven't exactly been in a relationship before that's why i cannot really see things from the girls' viewpoint. So trust me, i don't think i'm as logical and as rational as you guys think i am. But, there are really certain things that i cannot believe a girlfriend will do to their partner. Horribly insane.
Had a chat about searching for truth with Ryan yesterday. It was DAMN philosophical man. I felt like i was back into PHI101 class last sem on absolute truth by Immanuel Kant. Have you ever wondered why are we doing all these things that we are doing despite some part of your mind telling you that all these things are wrong? Like we shouldn't be doing such meaningless stuff in life and the life that many of us are leading is just wrong? It was this conversation I had with my friend for 10 years or so that I realized we've all really grown up. I really felt like I knew what he was driving at but I just needed more time to absorb and really accept the so called truth. I know that having a stable job, earning more than sufficient money and living in some atas house is a goal that I or at least everybody want me to achieve. Although I do not say otherwise, I really know that this is not just what I want. I've been saying this for years, i want to make a difference in our world. Up till now, I still do not know how. If i can ever achieve that, I know that I've lived my life worthwhile. While people are saying 'money is not everything'. Yes it isn't everything, but without it what can you do? Without money, will I be able to make a difference in the world? Or should I say a significant difference? I know the amount of life experience that I've gone through is nothing and my level of maturity is not up there yet. If i ever reach that stage, will anyone still see me as the person I am today? I doubt so. Of course, i love the carefree and happy life that i'm leading for now but i also know that someday this will no longer be in me. As we all grow older, carefree is not something that can be found easily. Do you call it responsibility or burden? Yes it's filial piety to take care of your parents aunts and grandparents but what happens if you drop down everything and just go venture out in the world trying to find an answer? Weigh the importance. I've yet to reach a balance.
Enough of all those chim stuff, I don't even know what I'm trying to say. Wait. Just wait for me to have more discussions with my primary school friends and see if we can get to an answer. hahaha i know, cool stuff right? :)
Death. The scariest thing that any being can face. If what my childhood friend said was true, before chinese new year the gates of the ghosts will open and that is usually when more people especially the elder ones will leave us. True enough, there had been quite a number of deaths happening to my father's friends' parents, friends' grandparents etc. Some are expected due to old age, some simply unexpected. How can anyone deal with deaths of their loved ones if it happens within such a short period of time? Who can get over it and move on? If i were them, i definitely can't. I can't help thinking about what will happen if my grandmother or even grandfather leave me. So much so for saying how much my grandfather dislikes me, he was still a big part of my life. I don't even need to mention my grandmother. She's probably the one and only person that i love sooo much thus far. Sometimes my mum even gets jealous of her. Hahaha! So, my grandmother is turning 79 this year and my grandfather 82. It's really a blessing for them to be able to stay so healthy at this age but of course old age still creeps on them. They are starting to walk slower, slightly hard at hearing for my grandmother but they are still considered extremely healthy in this age as compared to other elderly. Basically, I just don't want them to leave me. Forever.
I'm gonna turn 20 this year and it's damn freaky. I'm not done with my teenage years yet. Give me back my teens! I wanna go back to my secondary school and college years where i'm truly leading a carefree life!
The irony of life I guess. While you really wanna go into the future and see what is waiting for you there, you just don't wanna let go of some really beautiful moments in your past.
VAN.
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